Friday, August 15, 2014

Staying Present In Times Of Waiting ~ My Journey With Cancer

What, another non crafting post...yes, The Rebel Blogger is at it again!

I am living with cancer.
It can not be seen, but non-the-less, still lurking in the shadows.
I will not succumb to it's claws without a damn good fight.

The ever present fatigue hides in the shadows also. 
I will not succumb to it's claws either.

My experience with cancer has meant I don't take anything, least of all life itself, for granted.
I appreciate and treasure every single day because I know how precious life is.
I no longer greet each day with careless acceptance.

It has changed my routines, and relationships.
It has caused a financial impact.
It has changed my physical appearance.
Cancer has been a life-changing experience on many levels.

I know I would be a completely different person if not for the cancer.
I have achieved a certain 'calm wisdom'.
I am able to see things in a 'different view'.
My entire perspective has changed and I am thinking my life in new ways.

For the past year, it has been a waiting game.
Wait for the results of this test and that test, wait to see if the cancer grows...wait, wait, wait!
I do not like to wait. Who does?
I think it is a waste of time.
It is an annoyance, a negative, something to be avoided.

As I look back from the very beginning of my journey, I have experienced a 'seasons' of waiting.
Each time I waited for additional results, my mind and body prepared for the next shock, the next bad news.
This did not lead to hopeful waiting.
It only lead to feelings of anxiety.

Sometimes we allow ourselves the luxury of waiting to watch the sunset so we can soak in the beauty.
Or to the joyful waiting-for nine miraculous months-while a child forms in the womb.
I tend to forget that waiting can be a thing of beauty. A gift. Even a blessing.

In Sue Monk Kidd's book, When the Heart Waits, she describes the gifts that can come to us in waiting:
The fullness of one’s soul evolves slowly. We’re asked to go within to gestate the newness God is trying to form; we’re asked to collaborate with grace. That doesn’t mean that grace isn’t a gift. Nor does it mean that the deliberate process of waiting produces grace. But waiting does provide the time and space necessary for grace to happen. Spirit needs a container to pour itself into. Grace needs an arena in which to incarnate. Waiting can be such a place, if we allow it.
As I continue to wait in anticipation, I have felt that great work taking place within my own container and I have now provided the arena in my soul for grace!

I have learned to stay present in the ever constant times of waiting!
I am surviving!

x's & o's 
aka The Rebel Blogger


  1. Wow, Cindy, this is so touching! You write so beautifully! You make me examine my own life and realize how much I take everything for granted. Sending you lots of love and positive energy! Stay strong and keep on crafting!

    1. I try to write what is in my head but sometimes it is not an easy task for me!!
      Thanks for the love & positive energy, Zsuzsu

  2. Cindy, I have read your Journey with Cancer and I must say you are one brave and courageous warrior!!!!! You have spoken so eloquently about something that is forever a thief of all that we love. My Mother and oldest brother are fighting their own heroic battles. I add you to my list to pray for daily. I love your ART!!!! Keep that up, it is beautiful!!!! hugs, Patty

    1. Thank you for the daily prayers Patty!
      I am glad you like my creations.


Cindy's Paper Creation Popular Posts That Might Interest You